Remember those fabulous Classy Hooker Shoes that everyone wants to be in the club? Well, if you have already ordered them, I hope you ordered them at least a whole size larger than what you normally wear. If you haven’t, well, be prepared to send them back or take them in for an exchange or something. I got my shoes in the mail yesterday and I was SO! EXCITED! HOOKER SHOES! ALL MINE!
I ripped the box open and got the shoes out. Oh dear god in heaven, they are even better in real life. More blingy. They are as shiny as a bass boat, but without all the glitter. If Dorothy’s red slippers had been revamped by a stripper who wanted to be classy, this is what they would be like. I couldn’t have been happier.
Until I tried them on.
After much grunting, tugging, and contorting of the face, I finally got them on. Only to find that they are TOO FUCKING SMALL. These, ladies, are what you might call sitting shoes. As in all you can do is sit in them because if you stand up, YOUR TOES WILL SNAP OFF.
If only you knew my anguish and despair. I don’t just want these shoes. I need them. I have to have them to wear next Friday for The Thing. And these shoes that threaten to snap my toes off if I stand up in them? They are NOT GOING TO CUT IT. I’m going to have to order a larger size and have them expedite the shipping.
Damn.
Double Damn.
Oh yeah, about the shipping. I ordered them Last Tuesday. They took 8 days to get to the house.
EIGHT DAYS.
In the Era of NOW, this is quite ridiculous especially since they were being delivered via UPS. What are you thinking Target? These babies should have shipped out the day after the order was placed AT THE VERY LATEST. They took half of those EIGHT DAYS getting the fucking order out of the warehouse! What the hell? UGH. I don’t think I even want to know. What I DO want to know is WHY THE FUCK AREN’T THESE SHOES IN THE STORE? WHY?
If those shoes weren’t so fucking awesome, I don’t think I’d bother. But they are awesome and I NEED THEM.
/end rant
Unfortunately, I think the California Fashion Mall is now closed. I bet you could find suitable shoes somewhere on First Avenue.
I’m mad at Amazon – I added a $10 book to my cart to get free shipping, which meant I had to wait over TWO WEEKS to get my books! If I’d realized that, I’d have paid for the damn shipping! Because two of the three books are diet books and I’m SO anxious to get started!
Good lord, I just realized why you need these shoes. Next Friday? If you’re wearing them during the day, yes, you need to stand in them. If you’re wearing them at night, you don’t. *wink*
PMS much?
Not so much. Mostly just frustration.
Yeah, I tried them on in the store and two words came to mind. “Pinchy” and “Pinche”. [Look the 2nd one up in a mexican slang dictionary if you aren't well versed in spanish swearing.] And they only had about 3 sizes to choose from, so apparently EVERYONE is in our club. I bought another pair instead, black and not shiny, and they were even worse when I got them home. I will say, though, that I just ordered a dress from Target, paid for the 2 day shipping and I got it in 1 business day via FedEx. It fits and it looks nicer in person than on the website.
I’m on my way to DSW right now for some silver hooker shoes instead, I’ll report back to the club when I’ve had success.
Whatever you do, don’t forget your camera when you go to The Thing.