You’re never really aware of just how short our time on this earth is until you lose someone. Or are in the process of losing someone you love dearly. As I am writing this and struggling just to get through a day, my Aunt Betty is laying in a hospital bed, slowly dieing. She had a massive stroke last week and the damage was devastating. Monday night the doctors informed my cousins that my aunt would not be able to live without being on a respirator and that the brain damage was so severe, she would never be able to communicate again or have any quality of life.
My aunt has a living will. It basically says that if she were to be in the condition she is in, her wish is for her family to pull the plug. And that is what they did yesterday afternoon. All of her children and almost all of her grandchildren, my dad and I went to tell her good bye and send her off as a family.
And as much as this hurts me and as mad as I am at the world right now, I cannot even begin to comprehend what my cousins are going through. They followed through on their mother’s wishes, but what a hard and bitter wish to grant. We all want our families to be around us forever. To be there no matter what. But we all know deep down that reality will eventually catch up with us. But to be slapped in the face with reality in such a harsh way… there is nothing in the world that can prepare you for that.
I know without a doubt that if I had been in my aunt’s place, I would want the same thing my cousins have given her. But the flip side to that coin is that I have now seen and experienced first hand what that puts your surviving family through. And that is a bitter pill to swallow, too. There is nothing worse than waiting for a loved one to die so that you can bury them and mourn them properly. Being in a state of limbo over a situation like this in pure hell on earth. And as I get older, I understand and take comfort in the rituals we have to bury our dead.
But for now, we wait.
Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry. You are all in our prayers.
We had to decide whether to take heroic measures for my dad the last week of his life, including transporting him 50 miles from home for dialysis, etc. He HATED being sick, and had a living will, so we opted just to support him through his last days. He lived for a week, then passed peacefully.
But until you have said, essentially “let my father die, don’t try to keep him going no matter what”, it’s hard to know what that actually feels like.
It was the right decision for us, and we were with him 24/7 through the end of his life. But it’s hard, hard, hard, and I don’t wish it on anyone.
Best wishes to you, your aunt’s family, and your cousins.
Oh god Grace, I’m so sorry. I’m going through the exact same thing right now with my grandfather. For him it’s really nasty cancer and congestive heart failure. I’m thinking of you and your family. Lots of love, IBFF.
I have a million things to say to this but the most important is that I love you and I’m thinking about you and your family – and that yes you are right – we all take for granted the time that we are allowed to visit here.
Grace, I’m so sorry. For you and for your cousins and your whole family. I’ve been there and back several times. You are spot on – our time here is a strictly limited offer, act now.