So I should apologize to both Heather and Vivian for not being coherent last night. Especially Vivian, who I lied to and said that I was not sleeping, but I was in fact sleeping. In fact, I was sleeping so hard when she called, I thought her phone call was a dream. Also, according to Vivi, I hold the world record for using the word "availability" in a sentence. Six times. At least.
Fabulous.
This, my friends, is why you should never believe a word I say if I’m sleep talking. Some little factoids that come in handy when talking to me on the phone:
If I am talking to you on the phone and it seems like I’m falling asleep and you ask me about it, I will tell you I’m falling asleep, apologize, and get off the phone.
If you wake me up with a phone call, I will inadvertently lie and tell you that I am awake, because for that 2.5 seconds that the phone jerks me out of sleep in a state of mild panic, I am awake, but by the time I have answered the phone, I’m already falling back asleep.
Also, I talk in my sleep. I will hold entire conversations in my sleep. When I was married, this caused a lot of fights because I would be unaware of "important" decisions that had been made while I was sleep talking.
However, if I am laying down in the bed, under the covers and it is proximately my bed time, expect me to sleep talk to you because I fall asleep fairly quickly and nothing I say can or should be used against me during waking hours, because, you know, I WAS ASLEEP. You are talking to me at your own risk.
For example, this is the e-mail I received today from Vivian:
It was awesome. you talked nonsense for a while. whats funny is that I asked you if I had woken you up and you were likeno, no, no. I wasnt sleeping. but since you were talking groggy-talk, I assumed that I had. Then you said something about availability and how you were busy right now and you asked me to talk to you later when your availability was more open. No kidding, you must have said the word availability like six times in a sentence.it was great!!
Luckily, Vivian has known me her whole life, and she’s been subject to this before. She knows better than to take me seriously.
And that kids, is the end of our public service announcement.
That’s awesome. AWESOME, I SAY!
what I didn’t tell you is that once I got off the phone it took about an hour of uncontrollable sobbing for me to get over you not making availability for me….
he, he…..
When I was 14, I was on the phone with my boyfriend while I had a fever of 104. He told me later that I was babbling all sorts of incoherent nonsense. I was having auditory halucinations, and holding a conversation with the voices in my head.
That was the best conversation I ever had with that boyfriend.
Thursday is a little tight for me…..I’ll have to se if I can fit you in between the AA meeting that i’ve been court mandated to attend and my Jehovah’s witness canvas of the neighborhood.
I
So, you were sleeping! caught red handed. Love ya!