Hello, my name is Evil McSleeve. I’ll be your host for this segment of "Tales From the Sweater".
The idiot girl who is trying to create me, well, me and the rest of the sweater is, well, an idiot. She can’t read. She doesn’t pay attention to what she is doing. And then she yells at me for her own mistakes. I don’t think that’s fair. I mean, do you have any idea how painful it is to be frogged? Ripped apart in a vulgar fashion? And more than once, for heaven’s sake! Now she’s threatening to cut me loose and burn me! How barbaric! I can’t help it if she doesn’t know what she’s doing.
I mean, it certainly wasn’t me that rearranged the words on the pattern so that she would miss the part where it said to increase at the beginning AND the end of every sixth row. What idiot doesn’t know that? But it was funny, seeing her nostrils flare and that eye of her’s twitch. HAHAHAHAHA. The twitch, it gets me every time. It makes getting frogged worth it. Uh, did I say that out loud? What I meant was, she should probably have a glass of wine while knitting to soothe and calm her savage, barbaric soul. Like she really thinks she’s going to burn me in the fireplace. Honestly, what a savage.
This concludes today’s episode of "Tales From the Sweater".
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