Ever have one of those mornings where you start out in the hole and don’t even know it? One of those days where the universe is conspiring against you just because. Today was my day. Except that I guess the universe was like, “Let’s totally fuck with her!” And then got kind of remorseful about it so instead of it being epic things going wrong, it was more like a morning full of small annoyances. Except that kind of stuff just adds up. My day started out normally enough until it was time for B to take BAD Boy to school because that is when B discovered that he’d lost his keys. After 15 minutes of B fruitless searching for his keys, I decided to take BAD Boy to school so he wouldn’t be tardy. BAD Boy was freaking out because his English assignment was locked in B’s car so B promised that he would bring his English assignment to the school once he found his keys. I wasn’t done getting ready, but figured I had plenty of time to run him up to the school and get back, finish getting ready and be on my way. I probably wouldn’t even be late getting to work. No problem! I totally had this in the bag. Except that I didn’t realize I had left my phone on the dining room table.
Turned out BAD Boy was freaking out for no reason because his English project was not due until tomorrow (WTF, KID?!) which I didn’t get out of him until we were almost at the school. Right as he’s getting out of the car to go into the school, he asked me to call B to NOT drop off his English assignment that is not due until tomorrow. This is when I discover that I had forgotten my phone. Hoping against hope that B has still not found his keys and has resorted to drinking first thing in the morning, I make a mad (but still within the speed limit) dash back to the house only to pass B on the way home. B was, obviously, heading to the school. I flashed my lights at him and was waving my hand at him like crazy, but he clearly didn’t get the telepathic message I sent him to TURN AROUND AND GO BACK THE WAY HE CAME. And since I couldn’t call him (WHY DID I LEAVE MY PHONE ON THE DINING ROOM TABLE?!), I had to find a place way down the two land road I was on to turn around and drive back to the school to tell B NOT to leave the English assignment at the front office because BAD Boy didn’t have to turn it in until tomorrow. I catch up to B, we all get on the same page about the freaking English assignment and I finally head back to the house to finish getting ready for work, grab my lunch and get on with my day.
Except. This is when my gas tank (that admittedly was already low) went straight to E. So now I am driving on the longest winding two lane road on the planet hoping to get to the gas station that is PAST my house without having to get out and PUSH my car to the gas station. Up hill. Both ways. In the snow. (Shut up. This is my story.) Luckily, I was able to make it just fine, but you know, after everything else, that scenario just seemed more and more likely. After leaving a kidney at the gas station to cover the cost of gas, I finally, FINALLY, headed back home.
You would think that at this point, I would be able to head back to the house, finish getting ready and head in to work.
You would be wrong.
I walked into the house through the garage to the downstairs only to discover that one of the cats has only mastered peeing in the litter box because there was cat poop NEXT TO the litter boxes.
Because talking a middle schooler off the I-forgot-my-homework-that-is-due-tomorrow-and-now-the-world-is-ending-ledge, normal-speed car chasing my husband before 8 in the morning, driving on what feels like a road to nowhere with my gas light on and my tank on E and hoping to make it to the gas station without pushing my car up a hill both ways clearly wasn’t enough. Now I have to clean up cat shit, too.
Way to stay classy, Universe. Way to stay classy.
Last night B and I went and saw Cirque du Soleil Dralion for his birthday. It was an amazing show and watching it gave me chills and goosebumps. I felt like a little kid again being mesmerized by watching amazing acrobatics. It was like magic. I strongly urge you to go see this show. It does not disappoint!
During the intermission, I was talking to the couple sitting next to me and the man said that after seeing the acrobatics of Dralion, he will not be able to enjoy Olympic gymnastics anymore because he knows what the acrobats of Cirque can do. So. True. This show is absolutely stunning.
What was not awesome were the two women who were sitting behind B and me. First of all, one of the women came in talking LOUDLY on her cell phone. I was slightly irritated by this, but it was pre-show and I was hoping she would get off the phone before the show started and maybe not be so loud.
And then she kicked me in the back. Seriously. She was too busy talking on her phone to pay attention to what she was doing when she sat down so she kicked me in the back. (Tragic foreshadowing) I turned around to see what the hell was going on and she apologized. This was the only time I got an apology from this woman all night.
When the show started, they were whooping, hollering and heckling like they were at a wraslin’ show. Not wrestling. WRASLIN’. Let’s just say it was ridiculously obnoxious. B turned around and asked them to tone it down. The chick who kicked me in the back got uppity with him and told B that “They were a part of the show too” and that he should mind his own damn business. Then they talked smack about my husband through a good part of the first half of the show. Seriously. Because, asking someone to be respectful of the people around them is BEING AN ASSHOLE.
She also got asked by one of the ushers to turn her phone off in the middle of the first act after multiple signs and announcements were made that all cell phones should be turned off during the show and that photographing and videoing the show was strictly prohibited. She argued with the usher that it wasn’t a big deal because, “It was just a text message!” And then grumped to her friend about how rude the usher was because, “It was just a text message!” THE NERVE of that bitchy usher telling her what to do. SHE HAS RIGHTS.
They got up and walked out during the intermission and I know everyone in their row, the row behind them, our row and the row in front of us were praying to every god we could think of that those two women wouldn’t come back. And when the second half of the show started and they were nowhere to be seen or heard, we though that our prayers had been answered.
But then they showed back up bitching LOUDLY about how long the line in the bathroom was and how inconsiderate everyone in the bathroom was because the one chick had diabetes and NO ONE LET THEM CUT IN LINE and PEOPLE ARE SO RUDE.
HAHAHAHAHAHA! OMG. The IRONY. It was lost on them.
And this was the straw that broke my back. My patience had completely and utterly ran out. So I did the unthinkable.
I turned around and asked her to keep her voice down.
Excuse me, but could you please keep it down? We all paid good money to come and see this show. We did not pay a lot of money to listen to you and your friend talk through the whole thing. So if you could tone it down, we would all appreciate it.
She immediately responded by yelling at me that they had medical problems and her nerves were shot and her friend was a diabetic and I needed to shut my mouth and turn around. Like if I didn’t, she was going to throw down her Dick Tracy hat and fight me. (Did I mention she was dressed like she was going to see a Van Halen concert? In 1982?)
I don’t respond well to threats. In fact, all this woman did was make me dig my heels in and stand my ground.
So I asked her again to keep her voice down. At this point, none of us could hear the music over her yelling.
She kept true to her trailer park trash raising and responded by cussing me out. And, to all of our collective surprise, she got even louder. Honestly? I’m surprised the show kept going, she was that loud.
During my request for her to SHUT IT and her yelling and then cussing me out, B and two other men had already gotten up and asked the usher to remove them from our section. B came back and told me that the usher (female) was waiting on a manager to come and ask them to leave.
Also? There were 3 young children sitting in the row in front of us. We never heard a peep out of them once the show started and even before the show started, they were really well-behaved. Kudos to those two sets of parents for teaching their kids manners. I know one of the dad’s on that row got up to complain about her as well. I don’t blame him. I am by no means a prude, but I wouldn’t want my kid to listen to someone like that in a public place. (As it was, BAD Boy was at the Alabama game with my MIL. And while I wanted him to see the show with us, I ended up being glad he wasn’t there.)
Anyway, back to the story at hand. After she started cussing me out, I asked her again, to tone it down and to watch her language because there were kids who could hear her talking and the language wasn’t appreciated. She responded by CUSSING ME OUT EVEN LOUDER. I could have sworn she had a microphone on her, she was so loud.
And then after cussing me out for what seemed like an eternity (maybe it was 2 minutes tops), she decided that she had had ENOUGH of ME BEING AN ASSHOLE. She and her friend got up to go complain about me to management. And I WAS GOING TO BE SORRY I MESSED WITH HER.
Seriously. I was the asshole. Is your mind boggled yet? Mine was.
When they got up to leave, though? Everyone clapped. I’m sure those two women thought they were clapping for the two of them because THEY WERE RIGHT. And they would be right. Just…not how they perceived it. Everyone was clapping because they voluntarily got up and left our section.
They didn’t come back, either. That was the best part.
I used to be one of those people who would shake my head at people like that, get pissed off and do nothing. There was also that little voice of doubt in the back of my head that would say stuff like, “You know even if you say something, it won’t do any good.” or “You were raised to turn the other cheek.” (<–What the hell?)
But you know what? Even if that woman didn’t listen to me? The end result is still what I and all the people sitting around us wanted. I don’t know that anyone else would have gotten up if I hadn’t said something and voiced what everyone around us was thinking. Maybe they would have, but it usually takes one person to speak up and take a stand before others will act. Especially when everyone is on the same page about something.
In this instance, I would like to think that I was that one person.
In a perfect world, that woman would have recognized that SHE was the asshole. Not B or me. She would have apologized for her behavior and toned it down and everyone would have had a good time. Actually, in a truly perfect world, that woman would never have acted the way she did. Sadly, we do not live in that world.
And since this is the only world we’ve got, I’m not going to wait around for someone else to make it a better place. It starts with me, standing up for what I believe in. I don’t have to be rude or ugly about it. I just have to believe in it and hold my ground.
My only regret about what happened last night? That I didn’t say something during the first act of the show.
A favorite past-time in Casa de Pants is to go bowling. We all own our own bowling balls, bags and shoes. Well, two out of three have bowling shoes. (Side note: Owning your own bowling ball does not necessarily make your bowling average go up.) It’s always a lot of fun and something we can do as a family. There is a little trash talking, a lot of big talk and a lot more fun.
The best line from my crew tonight was when the the light flickered and lane sweeper stopped for a second too long: “Why does that thing keep glitching? I feel like we’re playing Halo.”
But we also took the time to teach BAD Boy appropriate bowling etiquette. Simple things like:
- Be mindful of the bowlers around you.
- If someone in the lane next to you is bowling, wait for them to finish before you take your turn. Either lane.
- Stay in your own lane.
- Keep your celebrating (or despair) short and sweet and don’t impeded the game you’re playing or the games around you.
Apparently we are in the minority here. It seems that no one teaches bowling etiquette anymore. And this makes me sad. Because it’s not just about bowling etiquette. It’s about being a decent human being and being respectful of the people around you. Or, in the wise words of one of my all-time favorite geeks, Wil Wheaton: “Don’t be a dick!”
And this is where I pull out my soap box, stomp up on it and rant:
After repeatedly asking nicely for the kids in the lane next to us to stay out of our lane tonight, I ended up raising my voice at a group of 7th graders to get off the lane if they weren’t bowling and to go sit down. Being polite = fail. Grrrr. But that’s not the worst of it. I get that kids will be rambunctious and rowdy at times when they’re having a good time. I really do.
No. What really pissed me off is that I turned around and saw the mom that was with that group of boys totally ignoring the situation. I don’t know if she had just shown up to pick them up or if she’d been there the whole time. Either way, bad form on her that she didn’t do ONE SINGLE THING to let those kids know that they were behaving like jerks. No, she just gave me that, “Boys will be boys!” look.
That right there? That made me see red and go into automatic HULK SMASH mode.
It wasn’t a one time thing that made me raise my voice. It was the repeated actions of the whole group. Standing, STANDING in our lane when were trying to bowl. ALL OF THEM standing around in our lane and theirs while trying to bowl AT THE SAME TIME. One of the bowling lane employees had to walk over and tell them to stop what they were doing.
So for her to give me that look after all of that? UNACCEPTABLE.
I shouldn’t have to discipline your kid or his friends, lady. I’ve got my own to keep my hands full. BE A FUCKING PARENT AND TEACH YOUR KID(S) SOME MANNERS.
If the tables had been turned and it was my kid acting like that? I would have read him the riot act and then made him go over and apologize to everyone he disrespected. Because that’s how kids learn right from wrong and what is acceptable and what is not. That actions always have consequences, both good and bad. And most importantly:
EVERYONE IS NOT ENTITLED TO EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME.
It took every ounce of self control I had to not walk over there and rip that look right off her face. And it is shark week over here. Bat country. My fuse is shorter than short. I’m fairly certain I gave her the look of death. And then I had to turn around and count to ten.
I know that nothing good is accomplished in anger. So I did what I could in that situation. I calmed down and used it as a teaching tool to reinforce what we’ve already taught BAD Boy about bowling etiquette. And then took it one small step further. I told BAD Boy and his friend that while we want him to have fun and have a good time with his friends, it is just as important that their fun should never ruin other people’s fun. That he (and his friends) should always try to be mindful of the people around them and respectful of their space, property and their persons.
In a nutshell, don’t be a dick.
[end soapbox rant]
Today felt like a good day to dye my hair and I was looking to go darker so when my husband ran to the store I asked him to pick me up a box of soft black hair dye. I always use Feria by L’Oreal because I like the color options and I always like the way the color comes out. It’s usually close to what’s on the box, too. So when B called me to ask me which color to get, I went with a new one called Violet Soft Black.
I was really excited about this color because I think it’s gorgeous. And I was really looking forward to a change. So you can imagine my concern when the dye went on bright red. Like maybe a shade darker than Ronald McDonald red. The whole time I was waiting for the dye to take, I kept hoping it would darken up. And it did. Just not to black.
So, this color my hair is now. It’s nowhere near what the color is on the box. Like, not even a little close. But all things considered, it’s not a bad hair color. And I kind of like it. Which is a good thing because it’s permanent hair dye. It’s just not what I paid for. So…consider this my public service announcement to think twice before buying this box of hair dye. Unless you want red hair and not soft violet black.
But it’s a close second.
I know you think I’ve gone completely bonkers, but hear me out.
We had some damage to our house back in April when a couple of trees fell on it.
That’s right. When all the tornadoes came through Alabama, we got hit in the morning by the smaller EF2 tornado around 5:30 am on April 27. That’s not a date (or time) I’ll forget any time soon, and not just because we were personally affected. Everyone I know was affected in some way.
And while this looks awful, it could be so much worse.
So much worse. And we were some of the “lucky” ones. I just remember walking around to the back of the house feeling so relieved that the trees weren’t on the house anymore. Until I saw this. When I saw this? I wanted them to put the trees back. RIGHT. NAOW.
But they didn’t put the trees back. They put a couple of blue tarps over everything instead. And then we waited. And waited.
And WAITED. (Not always so patiently, either.)
Until one day, something else showed up next to the blue tarp.
WE GOT A DUMPSTER!
That dumpster is the most amazing and awesome and beautimous dumpster in the whole wide world. You know why?
That dumpster means the insurance company finally paid out. It means the contractor can finally start working on our house and fixing our deck and roof and kitchen and whatever else is broken that we might not know about but hopefully we know about everything that needs to be fixed. It means we can regain a measure more of normalcy. It’s hope and the promise of good things to come. That’s what it means.
Now. If we can just get the weather to cooperate.
This is what we woke up to this morning.
And since about 8:30 am or so, it has been steadily raining. It’s still raining now. I know that a rainy day at the beach is better than no day at the beach. At least, that’s how the saying goes. But I really would like some time in the sand with the sun on my face. Not pelting rain.
I hope the WHOLE week isn’t like this. Otherwise I might start to wonder if my vacation isn’t turning into a Calvin and Hobbes comic strip. But without the camping.
When you are driving an UNMARKED vehicle and pull down a two lane neighborhood street and straddle the lanes only to STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD, don’t get pissed off and uppity with me when you’re the one who looks like an asshole. You had NO IDENTIFIERS on your vehicle, nor did you have your hazard lights on. The two actual dump trucks with identification on them that were behind you WERE SO FAR BEHIND YOU I COULDN’T SEE THEM.
Therefore, you happened to look like an asshole who stopped in the MIDDLE OF TWO LANES because 1. you don’t know how to fucking drive and 2. you’re acting like you’re lost and 3. you pulled this maneuver between the hours of 7:00 – 8:00 am when people are still trying to get to work.
So when I blew my horn at you this morning to get out of my way when I was on my way to work AND IN MY PROPER LANE? I was treating you just like you were acting.
It is not smart to get uppity with with someone in the neighborhood since you were clearly on your way to work a job. IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD. And I am most certain you weren’t doing that job for charity since we just had a tornado blow through and destroy a lot of our neighborhood. You were doing your job for profit.
And while I do not blame you for wanting to make money at your job, consider your actions when you PISS OFF SOMEONE WHO LIVES IN THAT NEIGHBORHOOD.
Someone who could have been a potential client.
But your actions this morning? They guarantee you will never see a single red cent from me and I’ll be sure to let my friends and neighbors know how you treat POTENTIAL PAYING CUSTOMERS.
So whoever is using ALABAMA TREE SERVICE? You may want to reconsider using them since they apparently think nothing of employing stupid assholes who have no regard for others.