Ever have one of those mornings where you start out in the hole and don’t even know it? One of those days where the universe is conspiring against you just because. Today was my day. Except that I guess the universe was like, “Let’s totally fuck with her!” And then got kind of remorseful about it so instead of it being epic things going wrong, it was more like a morning full of small annoyances. Except that kind of stuff just adds up. My day started out normally enough until it was time for B to take BAD Boy to school because that is when B discovered that he’d lost his keys. After 15 minutes of B fruitless searching for his keys, I decided to take BAD Boy to school so he wouldn’t be tardy. BAD Boy was freaking out because his English assignment was locked in B’s car so B promised that he would bring his English assignment to the school once he found his keys. I wasn’t done getting ready, but figured I had plenty of time to run him up to the school and get back, finish getting ready and be on my way. I probably wouldn’t even be late getting to work. No problem! I totally had this in the bag. Except that I didn’t realize I had left my phone on the dining room table.

Turned out BAD Boy was freaking out for no reason because his English project was not due until tomorrow (WTF, KID?!) which I didn’t get out of him until we were almost at the school. Right as he’s getting out of the car to go into the school, he asked me to call B to NOT drop off his English assignment that is not due until tomorrow. This is when I discover that I had forgotten my phone. Hoping against hope that B has still not found his keys and has resorted to drinking first thing in the morning, I make a mad (but still within the speed limit) dash back to the house only to pass B on the way home. B was, obviously, heading to the school. I flashed my lights at him and was waving my hand at him like crazy, but he clearly didn’t get the telepathic message I sent him to TURN AROUND AND GO BACK THE WAY HE CAME. And since I couldn’t call him (WHY DID I LEAVE MY PHONE ON THE DINING ROOM TABLE?!), I had to find a place way down the two land road I was on to turn around and drive back to the school to tell B NOT to leave the English assignment at the front office because BAD Boy didn’t have to turn it in until tomorrow. I catch up to B, we all get on the same page about the freaking English assignment and I finally head back to the house to finish getting ready for work, grab my lunch and get on with my day.

Except. This is when my gas tank (that admittedly was already low) went straight to E. So now I am driving on the longest winding two lane road on the planet hoping to get to the gas station that is PAST my house without having to get out and PUSH my car to the gas station. Up hill. Both ways. In the snow. (Shut up. This is my story.) Luckily, I was able to make it just fine, but you know, after everything else, that scenario just seemed more and more likely. After leaving a kidney at the gas station to cover the cost of gas, I finally, FINALLY, headed back home.

You would think that at this point, I would be able to head back to the house, finish getting ready and head in to work.

You would be wrong.

I walked into the house through the garage to the downstairs only to discover that one of the cats has only mastered peeing in the litter box because there was cat poop NEXT TO the litter boxes.

SERIOUSLY.

Because talking a middle schooler off the I-forgot-my-homework-that-is-due-tomorrow-and-now-the-world-is-ending-ledge, normal-speed car chasing my husband before 8 in the morning, driving on what feels like a road to nowhere with my gas light on and my tank on E and hoping to make it to the gas station without pushing my car up a hill both ways clearly wasn’t enough. Now I have to clean up cat shit, too.

Way to stay classy, Universe. Way to stay classy.