Little Miss Drama Pants

a hot asiany mess


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More Bad Movie Review Time

Last night it was Oscar. Granted, it’s Stallone and I don’t think he’s exactly one of the greatest actors in the world or anything. Actually, he’s pretty bad. But I can’t help but love this movie. Also, Marisa Tomei isn’t exactly the best either.

But still. I mean, come one, Tim Curry is in it. How can you not love Tim Curry? It is mathematically impossible to not love Tim Curry. I’m pretty sure science has proven this already, so I won’t bore you with the details.

The plot (courtesy of IMDB):

Angelo “Snaps” Provolone made his dying father a promise on his deathbed: he would leave the world of crime and become an honest businessman. Despite having no experience in making money in a legal fashion, Snaps sets about to keep his promise. He is faced with numerous problems: henchmen who know nothing but crime, the police who are convinced he is hatching a master plan, and Oscar, who has just got his daughter pregnant.

Some great quotes from the movie:

Snaps: Let’s get started, I got until noon to look like a banker.
Finucci: Oh, we make-a you look like a banker… take off-a you pants.

Dr. Thornton Poole: [about Snaps' daughter, Lisa] She seems to have such nicely rounded diphthongs!
Snaps: That’s what got her into this jam!

Connie: Even in the old days he was known as an honest crook.
Dr. Thornton Poole: That’s an oxymoron.
Connie: Gee, you shouldn’t oughta said that, Doc.
Snaps: Yeah, leave Connie alone. He does the best he can.

And then possibly my favorite quote in the whole movie:

Snaps [to Connie]: Poole was right! You are an ox *and* a moron!

There are so many more great quotes in this movie. I really think it’s the supporting cast that makes this movie fun to watch:
Tim Curry (of course) as Dr. Thornton Poole
Peter Riegert (he just about steals the movie, in my opinion) as Aldo
Chazz Palminteri as Connie
Don Ameche as Father Clemente
Kurtwood Smith as Lt. Toomey
Kirk Douglas as Snaps’ dying father

E*beth, I really think you might like this one.


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One evil, egg sucking son of a snake

Last night at Chez Crazy:

A retirement commercial with Dennis Hopper as the spokesperson is on the tv.

Sister: Do you know who that it is?

Me: King Koopa?

Sister: Yes!

And then we laughed. A lot. And possibly a little hysterically.

And this is where I divulge my love of bad movies. Really bad movies. Movies that have no business being made. Apparently.

Back in the day (1993), someone thought it would be a good idea to make Super Mario Bros. into a movie. Well, it’s more like a movie based on the game. But still.

[first lines]
Narrator: A long long time ago, the Earth was ruled by dinosaurs. They were big, so not a lot of people went around hassing ‘em. Actually, no people went around hassling ‘em cuz there weren’t any people yet. Just the first tiny mammals. Basically, life was good. Then something happened: a giant meteorite struck the Earth. Goodbye dinosaurs! But what if the dinosaurs weren’t all destroyed? What if the impact of that meteor created a parallel dimension where the dinosaurs continued to thrive and evolve into intelligent, vicious, and aggressive beings… just like us? And hey, what if they found a way back?

I love this movie. John Leguizamo played Luigi and I remember thinking that he was so hot. Who am I kidding? I still think he’s hot. I also thought he was tall because Bob Hoskins played Mario.

Ahem. Moving on.

There were a LOT of cheesy lines in the movie like this:

Luigi: Wow, you mean there were dinosaurs here in Brooklyn?
Mario: Relax, Luigi. There used to be Dodgers here too.

and this:

[Mario and Luigi survey Dinohattan]
Mario Mario: This can’t be Manhattan.
Luigi Mario: I don’t know, I haven’t been to Manhattan in a couple weeks.
Mario Mario: Must have been a bad couple of weeks.

A lot of cheese, but still funny. And Dennis Hopper is always a great bad guy.

Cop: Nobody touches President Koopa.
Luigi: [Rubbing his eyes in pain] But he said he was…
King Koopa: -One evil, egg sucking son of a snake. Did I lie?

I gotta say, if you want to watch a cheesy movie based on a video game, watch this one.

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