[WARNING! This is an extremely long post. You may want to just scroll to the bottom and look at the pictures if that's all you're here for.]
Saturday, B and I headed off to Ikea in his brother’s truck to buy some furniture for our bedroom. The majority of our combined furniture has that certain Early American Post-Divorce Chic going for it and we felt it would be nice to have matching furniture. And a new bed. Oh god, we needed a new bed.
The drive down was rather uneventful except for the part where B couldn’t remember the exit to go to Ikea. We only drove past it 3 times. When we finally got to Ikea, there was a cop there directing traffic. This was the tragic foreshadowing that we COMPLETELY MISSED. I have never been to Ikea when it is so packed that you actually have to maneuver around the other people in the store. It had an almost claustrophobic feel to it. If you’ve ever been to the Atlanta Ikea, you will understand how difficult a thing that is. It’s freaking HUGE. We didn’t realize until much later that this was more than likely the back to college crowd clogging up the store.
Anyway, while it was quite packed, we still managed to get through the store in relatively good time. We were on a mission. We were not lollygagging. We had places to be later. When we got downstairs, the closer we got to the checkout, the louder the music got. I was a little surprised that the music was so loud. Why would they have the music turned up so loud?
Oh, I don’t know, maybe because it was a LIVE BAND PLAYING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING STORE. Right where you’re trying to maneuver the flat bed carts that like to glide to the right even though you’re going straight and you’re trying to avoid hitting any of the thousand people trying to get ahead of you so they can GET YOUR FURNITURE BEFORE YOU DO.
B and I each have a cart and we’ve managed to load up everything but the bed frame. We get to where the bed is and there is one left. ONE. While we’re standing there making sure it’s exactly what we want, SOME BITCH COMES UP AND STARTS PULLING IT OFF THE PALLET RIGHT IN FRONT OF US. When I said that we were there first, she went off on me about how she was there first and it was HER bed. She was mean and ugly about it. There was a part of me that really really REALLY wanted to go off on her about how I didn’t see her name on the fucking bed and that bullshit about how it was hers because she had been there first only counts if she HAD BEEN STANDING THERE WHEN WE WALKED UP. Fucking cunt.
I think it was at about this point that I e-mailed ESC (from my phone) for back up. At one point I may have gone a little overboard with the self-pity and may have mentioned something like “Oh woe is me” and/or “I am in the depths of despair.” Then I may have wailed about having to get the king size bed and I think ESC’s response was something like “king size? oh POOR YOU! let me get out my tiny, tiny violin…” But that’s a little hazy now. Ahem. By the way, ESC? If it wasn’t for you, I probably would have ended up in jail instead of going home. Thanks. I owe you one. (Psst. You are also partly responsible for the blog name change.)
Anyway, we were at the point of fish or cut bait and I think B was about to leave everything and just walk out of the store. But me? I am maybe stubborn. Just a wee tad. And I refused to leave the store without a bed. And we weren’t putting everything else back and getting a different series of furniture. We had our hearts set on the Malm bedroom furniture and we were leaving with it one way or another. We, or maybe I, insisted on the king-size bed. We were going to eventually get one down the road, so why not just say fuck it and get it now. So that’s what we did.
But, now that we have this king-size bed frame, we HAVE to get a new mattress because the old queen-size mattress definitely wasn’t going to fit. No problem, right? They had 8 fucking king-size beds, why wouldn’t they have a mattress? Well, guess what? NO FUCKING MATTRESS. At least, that’s what the customer service guy told B. (At this point, I am sitting out of the way with our two flat trolleys loaded with more furniture than you can shake a stick at.) He ran all over the store trying to finagle a mattress out of thin air AND HE DID IT. He is my hero.
There was some more drama when we checked out about how the mattress wasn’t rung up properly and didn’t generate a slip to pull the mattress over in full service, but after about 20 more minutes and B’s magic ability to conjure a mattress, we were loading up the truck to go home.
Oh, it’s not over yet. We get on the road and it is sunny and HOT AS FUCK and barely any clouds in the sky. We both talk to our respective fathers and both of them are telling us that it is darker than midnight and RAINING in Birmingham.
Terrific.
We decided that we would drive until we needed to stop and get a tarp. We made it to Pell City, AL before we had to stop and get a tarp. We made it home with everyone and everything all in one piece and our furniture didn’t get wet or warped.
OK, we left Birmingham at about 8:30 a.m. and didn’t get home until 7:00 p.m. It took about 3 hours for us to get there and somewhere between 3 – 3.5 hours to get home. And then we still had to put the bed together because at this point, we were determined that we would sleep on our new bed. We DESERVED it. Luckily, B’s father came over and helped him unload the truck while I went and got new bed linens. When I got back, B had most of the bed put together. Let’s just say that it was 11:00 p.m. before we got to bed and we only had the bed and one bedside table put together. We saved the rest for yesterday. But, we finally have a complete and matching bedroom suite. Amen.
No, I didn’t bother to make the bed. Why do you ask?
Really crappy picture of the chests of drawers.
Please ignore the pile of dirty clothes on the floor. We didn’t make it to the part where you put all your clothes into the new drawers just yet. We’re saving that for next weekend. Oh, and yes, I did get some knitting done on the way there and back.
CPH BACK
It’s a few cable repeats longer than that now. I took this picture shortly before we arrived at Ikea. I’m really liking the color contrast. If I had thought about it, I would have done only the cables in the red and not the two purl stitches on either side of the cables. But that’s minor and I REALLY love the way it looks. Besides, it’s a big enough pain in the ass with the 7 balls of yarn tangling up. I probably would have a lot more done if it wasn’t for the fact that I have to stop pretty much after every cable repeat to untangle the clusterfuck of yarn. But man oh man is it worth it.
I’m still recuperating from all the excitement of this weekend. Here’s to hoping that next weekend is much more mellow and relaxed!
