Look More Asian

I know I say this a lot, but I really do love Google. Someone came across my site by googling "look more Asian" which I find very funny. I started to make jokes about this but then I came across this message board and remembered how weird it was coming to the States.

I grew up in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia, lived on a compound (think military base minus the military) and went to a private school that was very ethnically diverse. A lot of the kids were like me. Half Asian half Caucasian. Korean, Vietnamese, Thai, Japanese. Full Caucasian Americans were the minority. Most of the blonde haired/blue eyed kids were from some Scandinavian country or England. Most of us half-Asian kids were the Americans. Actually, I think we were all "American."

When I came to the States to finish high school, I ended up in Columbia, SC at a private college-prep boarding school. I got a taste of what Americana is like in the south and it was vastly different from what I grew up knowing as "American." However, I had something of a safety net in boarding school. Quite a few of the boarding students were from the same school as me as well as schools from different cities in Saudi Arabia. Plus, there were some Asian kids there and some from the Caribbean Islands as well. It wasn’t wholly homegrown-American and it was a help with trying to adjust.

I struggled with a kind of reverse culture shock. I grew up in a country where the societal norms are incredibly oppresive against women. From a fairly young age, grown men would make lewd and/or vulgar gestures at me or whatever group of girls I was with at the time. Our movements within the city/country were restricted and our dress code was very conservative.

That being said, I had a terrific childhood. I had great friends that I still stay in touch with today (they’re more like family) and I have so many great memories. I also wouldn’t have had the opportunity to travel the world like I did thanks to my Dad’s job. It was very important to him that we see the world, so we did. It was no big deal for us to spend Spring Break in London every year. Didn’t everyone?

I struggled more in college when I moved to Alabama and went to public school. I started out at UAB and spent most of my time hanging out with Indian kids and played intramural volleyball with on all black female team. I felt more comfortable around them than I did around white people.

After two years there I transfered to the University of Montevallo where most of my friends were 100% caucasian. I think that’s when I really began to struggle with finding my place.

When I would spend time around friends or even my American family for extended periods of time – cousins and siblings and what not – it was always something of a shock to me when I would catch my reflection in the mirror and see just how different I looked from everyone around me.

It’s taken me awhile, but I’ve come to be comfortable in my skin. I’ve learned to accept that I am different in more than just the way I look. I didn’t grow up with the same kind of experiences as my American friends. There are times when I have no point of reference for what they’re trying to share with me and that’s ok. Just like when I try to share my experiences growing up and they just look at me and shake their heads in wonder.

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