Holy crap. I suddenly suck ass at blogging. I blame?summer lovin?. (Just go with it.)
I went to Atlanta last week and hung out with the lovely ESC and got to have dinner with the Baron and Baroness of Hockey(Mom). I also got to see Eddie Izzard live. Which, can I tell you? IT WAS AWESOME.
However, I?m not going to go on for days about how wonderful Eddie was live. I?m just going to tell you that you need to go see him perform and then pinch yourself because it just won?t seem real. Also, don?t eat a heavy pasta meal and consume several alcoholic beverages just prior to the show and expect to stay alert. Not that I have any personal experience with that particular scenario. Nope. Not me.
No, what I want to discuss with you is this:
Which ESC and I saw on the side of this van:
I?ll give you a few minutes to absorb all that information…
I KNOW, RIGHT?
First of all, WHY IS THE VAN PINK?
Second: why does it say THE GLOVE GUY on a PINK VAN?
Third: how on earth do you get a job like that?
Fourth: how do you convince a guy to drive around in a PINK VAN that says ?SPECIALTY GLOVES & SAFETY PRO? on the side of it?
Fifth: what would make someone WANT to BE THE GLOVE GUY?
And also? HOW FAR IN THE GUTTER IS YOUR MIND RIGHT NOW? I don?t know about you, but I am seriously disturbed by the possible scenarios playing in my brain about what this particular job entails.
Oh my god, what does the training manual say? IS THERE A HANDBOOK? Because you probably have to be at least 21 to read just the HANDBOOK!!!!! And what kind of waivers would you have to sign just to get the job? !?!?!?
I almost want to apply for the job just to read the handbook. I bet it would be highly educational.
Things that make you go hmmmmmmmmm…………………
AWESOME!!! My mind is in the gutter Fo Sho
Snort!
I have absolutely nothing to say. Speechless. Totally. but boy am I laughing
Clearly someone is very, very secure in his masculinity.
I am fairly sure that the Glove Guy is self employed. I’m also pretty sure he’s…a friend of Dorthy. And also…that van has seen A LOT of combat.
Oh yeah.
Yeah, why IS that van pink? I mean, why not lime green? Or orange? I mean, if they’re wanting it to stand out and all. Maybe it’s like those “massage” places that masquerade as one thing while secretly being another. With the super-dark tint on those van windows ANYTHING could be in there!!!
You wanted a hand job joke?
Tony has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him. He takes her to a nice restaurant and buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine.
On the way home, he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot. They start necking and he’s getting pretty excited. He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she’s a virgin and wants to stay that way.
“Well, okay,” he says, “how about a blow job?” “Yuck!” she screams. “I’m not putting that thing in my mouth!”
He says, “Well, then, how about a hand job?” “I’ve never done that,” she says. “What do I have to do?”
“Well,” he answers, “remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?” She nods. “Well, it’s just like that.”
So, he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it. A few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, his eyes close, snot starts to run out of his nose, wax blows out of his ear and he screams out in pain.
“What’s wrong?!” she cries out.
“Take your thumb off the end!!”