Happy Birthday To Me

Thanks for the birthday wishes! I am really happy today even though it’s kind of overcast and there’s a good possiblity that it will storm like hell. I don’t care. You know why? I’ve been through A LOT of shit in the past year and I have come out better and stronger for it. Let’s recap shall we?

1. July 15, 2004 I turned 26. I have been married for a little over a year to a male that I had lived with prior to getting married for roughly 2.5 years. We had been together for roughly 5 years at this point. I am miserable.
2. I work in a law firm for SATAN. That is not an exaggeration. I am miserable at work. Miserable as in every morning on my way to work I think I’m going to puke.
3. August 14, 2004 I moved out of my soon to be ex-husband’s house into a small apartment and got a dog. He wanted a divorce because, in a nutshell, "I didn’t make him happy anymore." He also told the marriage counselor that we were seeing at the time, "If she would just do what I told her to, we’d be just fine." Um, hello? I’m not your fucking dog.
4. When I am miserable and depressed, like I was, I eat. A LOT. I went from being 130 lbs and about a size 10 to weighing roughly 180 lbs at the time I moved out. I am 5’2" y’all. This is not good. AT ALL.
5. I am a basket case for months, blaming myself for my failed marriage and thinking it was SOLELY MY FAULT, which I now realize, it wasn’t. There are TWO PEOPLE IN A MARRIAGE.
6. The one good thing was the cruise with Jacinda, my bestest friend in the whole world. It was a huge self-esteem boost, especially since it was a month after I moved out. Also, it was September. HURRICANE SEASON. We had the BEST TIME EVER. Read about it here. Or at least look at the pictures.
7. After about 3 months of eating nothing but ice cream EVERYDAY, I decided that I didn’t want to be so big that the paramedics would have to come cut me out of my apartment. Visions of Jabba the Hut haunted my nightmares ~ especially since in my dreams, I WAS JABBA. Whole body convulsions, I tell ya. WHOLE. BODY. CONVULSIONS.
8. I decided to switch to no sugar added ice cream. Please people, I am NOT giving up ice cream. NOT. GONNA. HAPPEN. I also cut MOST of the sugar out of my diet. Made healthier choices most of the time. I didn’t go on a diet. DIETS ARE EVIL AND OF THE DEVIL. I decided to make small changes in the way I eat. TOTALLY DIFFERENT FROM DIETING. I changed my eating habits a little bit at a time. Do I still eat ice cream? HELL YEAH. Do I eat M&M’s when I want them? YES, but not the whole bag, just a handful. Stuff like that. I never said, "I will NEVER eat that again." Because that’s a lie.
9. Since I have Bear the Wonder Dog, I decided that we will walk once in the morning for 30 minutes and then in the afternoon for 30-45 minutes. EVERY DAY. I still do this. But in the afternoons it’s usually with my friend April and her dog Grace and walk for about an hour. It’s fabulous.
10. I quit the job with SATAN to go to work for the best boss ever. I no longer work for lawyers and I LOVE IT. I love my job, my co-workers and my boss.
11. I go through all the crap with Boy. It wasn’t crap in the beginning. In the beginning, it was two friends who really needed each other’s support and understanding after having gone through similar situations, and for that I will ALWAYS love him and he will ALWAYS BE MY FRIEND. It got messy later. Actually, it got messy just a few short weeks ago. My how time flies. Anyway, you all already know about all that.
12. So now we come to today. My birthday. I am 27 years old. I have survived some pretty horrific shit. I am stronger for it. I can conquer ANYTHING. I AM WOMAN. HEAR. ME. ROAR. BITCH. Since my last birthday, I have lost about 45 lbs, went from a size 14, almost 16 to a size 6. I’m in the best health and shape I’ve ever been (and I have always been athletic and roughly a size 10).

So what have I learned in the past year?

1. I have learned that I am not solely responsible for the failure of my marriage.
2. I learned to admit and accept failure or that I make mistakes. And that it’s not always bad to fail. Just mostly.
3. I have learned that I have some wonderful friends who have been there for me through it ALL. I LOVE ALL Y’ALL.
4. I have learned that I am NOT alone. This HASN’T ONLY HAPPENED TO ME. There are a lot of beautiful women out there who have gone through the same thing and are better people for it. HEAR US ALL ROAR!
5. I have learned that knitting really is therapy for the soul. That there is something magical about creating something beautiful with your own two hands. It gives you such a great sense of accomplishment. That is priceless.
6. I have learned that I am stronger than I think I am.

Go me. It’s my birthday!

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