Easy Peasy Schmeasy

I will get around to going into great and graphic detail about the love affair I am having with the new vacuum cleaner another time. Right now, the one thing that stays in the front of my mind and consumes most of my free time is The Sock.

I am overly ambitious (or stupid) sometimes when it comes to trying new things. I have a great love for sock knitting and I have the stash to prove it. I?ve been knitting socks from the top down since day one. I like it, it makes sense to me. I can just about do it without a pattern and for me that is a huge accomplishment as I am sometimes needy with my patterns. They understand and put up with it, but sometimes I think they get tired of it. I mean, who really wants to be fondled that much, you know? But I digress.

Last year at SAFF, Jen and ESC were extolling the virtues of toe-up knitting and how I should give it a try because it is the new zen of sock knitting. You get to try it on while you knit! That should be incentive enough, they said. ESC, she is a good proselytizer. When we got back to Atlanta and I dropped her off, she sent me on my way with a toe-up pamphlet and a toe-up sock on the needles. In fact, it was the very same sock and yarn that I am STILL KNITTING.

This is no one?s fault other than mine. I want them to be perfect. The first attempt that ESC sent me off with was on some DPNs that were too weak to be in my hands and I snapped one. Or two. I forget. And they were too small, so I ripped it and started over. Top down, though. And I was knitting along and was, I don?t know, at the heel flap when I decided that no, this was not going to do. I ripped the sock out again.

I finally decided to be serious about giving toe-up a proper chance and went to work. I really like Judy’s magic cast-on. This is not the original cast-on that ESC showed me, and I couldn?t figure that one out on my own. So I googled toe-up cast-on and magic cast-on is what I found. No need for a scrap of waste yarn or a crochet hook? Perfect. Socks go with me everywhere so I don?t want to carry more than what I absolutely need.

It took me several attempts to get the toe right. Not the actual cast-on. I got that pretty much?from the get-go. No, I couldn?t fucking increase because counting? Not my strong suit. I would be trucking along and then suddenly I?d have one needle with one less stitch than the rest of the needles. This happened more times than I care to admit.

However, I finally got past the toe and was ready to start on the foot. That?s when I decided that plain socks just would not do for my first pair of toe-up socks. No, what I needed to do for my first pair of toe-up socks was to DESIGN MY OWN PATTERN. Ambitious? Me? Never.

I?ve figured out the pattern I want to knit and I?ve been writing everything down as I go along, but that doesn?t really mean it?ll work. Or fit, for that matter. But you know how some people, come up with a design, knit a swatch, calculate the size the sock will need to be and translate the pattern to fit the intended foot? I?m not one of those people.

Me? I?m more like:
Hey! Let?s knit a sock! Hey! This sock needs a pattern! This stitch pattern looks good! I?m going to pair it with this! I wonder if these will work together? One way to find out! KNIT A SOCK! How many stitches do I need? I wonder if this will work? *Why can?t I knit this &^%*$%!!! pattern? RIP RIP RIP. Knit some more.* [Repeat from * to * multiple times]?WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT STITCH GO???!!!! And that?s?when I throw the sock on the floor and then proceeded to fling myself on the ground and have a temper tantrum that would make every 2 year old on the planet jealous.

And that is my world right now. But I will persevere through the hard way. That?s what I?m good at.?This is?the easy way? SCREW EASY! Is this the hard way? SIGN ME UP!

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