Best Laid Plans and All That

When B and I got married, I was not interested in having any kids of my own. I loved being a stepmom, but that was the extent of it. Then, without warning, my biological clock suddenly kick started out of the blue after hanging out with a friend and her three kids. That’s right. She has THREE. And they are awesome. I blame her middle child on my sudden desire to have a baby. He is one of the most adorable kids I have ever met.

Anyway.

It took B a little while to come around on wanting to make a baby, but he eventually was down with it. So we tried. And tried. And tried. And tried. And tried. And… You get the picture. And as much fun as all the trying was, do you know how disheartening it is to have a period every month when you desperately don’t want one? A lot. And then my uterus would give me false hope with late periods and what not. That was worse.

I have to hand it to B. Once he was on board about the whole baby making thing, He was FULL ON on board and suggested a few times that he would do whatever it took and if that meant us seeing a specialist or “putting his boys in a cup” if he needed to. I was the one who was not having it. I didn’t want to be poked and prodded and told when to have secks and when not to have secks and all that fun stuff. I did, however, track my cycle religiously, check my ovulation and did everything but take my basal body temperature for optimal secksy time to make a baby.

I gave us a deadline of a year to make a baby from scratch. And after that year was up, I told B I was done whether or not we had a baby.  That year came and went and we had no baby. I did my best to make my peace with it and life kept going. Sure, I had twinges and doubts about not trying “just one more time” but as those moments passed, I would be fine.  (Though honestly? Whenever I would see a pregnant woman, I would totally hate her. Just for a second.)

There is a point to this sad story, I’m just going to take awhile to get there.

So a few weeks ago, BAD Boy and I were talking and he gave me the most pitiful face on the planet and told me that he was tired of being the only kid in his class who didn’t have a brother or sister. And that all his friends tell him he’s lucky. I told him that the reason his friends think he’s lucky is because he doesn’t have anyone messing with his stuff or annoying him or following him around everywhere like little brothers or sisters like to do. And do you know what that little stinker said to me with the saddest puppy dog eyes on the planet? “I think  they’re lucky because they have that.”

I won’t lie. I totally had to fight back tears because he broke my heart. I grew up with a little sister who, while we were little, annoyed the snot out of me. But now? I wouldn’t trade her for all the world. And B is an identical twin. It just seems cruel to not give BAD Boy a sibling and friend for life.

I told B about the conversation and told him that I would give it one more go, but this time, I was calling the infertility specialist that my OB/GYN recommended. And that’s just what I did. And so far, they have taken more blood than a vampire to determine that my estrogen levels are lower than normal. There is also a good chance that I suffer from endometriosis.

So what does this all mean?

So, dear blog, this means that I am taking you along for the ride as we find out whether or not B and I can make a baby from scratch.

This means starting next month I will be taking hormones to elevate my estrogen levels to hopefully ovulate. Then, when B and I have the secks, we might be able to make a baby from scratch. At least, that is the plan.

This also means that my very sweet infertility nurse and I will become very close as she will be taking all most some my blood regularly to determine if everything is going according to the plan. I may or may not develop an aversion to garlic and sunlight at some point along the way. You know, with her taking all my blood and stuff.

I thought about keeping this under wraps and just kind of surprising you with a baby somewhere down the road. But the more I thought about it, the more I decided that would be kind of misleading. Besides, what if someone else is having the same struggles as I am? I’d like that woman to know that she is not alone.

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