Poor Charlie

Today I discovered that the Kindle for Android app was available, so of course I downloaded it. And then to test it out, I bought Shit My Dad Says and proceeded to ignore B for 2 hours.

When I finally got done reading, Charlie (Who, by the way, has suddenly developed a love of [...]

Cheap Date Says

Me: Oh my god! Those trees are leaking!

Him: Are you serious? THE SPRINKLERS ARE ON.

Sunday Brunch

“What’s the difference between Eggs Benedict and Eggs Horatio?”

“Eggs Horatio come with sunglasses that you can take on and off.”

“Does it come with a red wig?”

“Yes.”

Same Difference

Scene: Family is hanging out on the couch

BAD Boy: I’m ready for my snack.

B: pretending to be asleep and snoring

BAD Boy: Daddy.

B: still snoring

BAD Boy: Daddy.

B: still snoring

BAD Boy: DADDY. Please stop. I know you’re faking it.

Me: You sure are a stick in the mud.

BAD [...]

This Is Why I Get Asked to Chaperone

[Scene: Two parents, one child sitting around a table.]

B: So, did any girls try to kiss you or you try and kiss any girls [at the class Valentine's party]?

BAD Boy [getting off his stool with a disgusted look on his face]: I’m outta here.

[Scene ends with BAD Boy walking out of [...]

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