Little Miss Drama Pants

It turns out that when you make a baby from scratch with SCIENCE!, your whole life become seriously focused around your cycle. In fact, there are times when I feel like my cycle is more important than me. Like, I am just some vessel in which my cycle resides. Does that sound crazy? Because I think it is crazy, but that’s how it is. This whole process is measured out and dictated by your cycle. Everything you do is based on what day of your cycle you are on. After all the blood being drawn and all the tests run and the consultation, I was suddenly left with nothing to do except count down the days of my last cycle so I could make a phone call to start Operation Make a Baby from Scratch.

It goes something like this:

Day 1: call your infertility nurse to tell her you have started your period. She in turn calls in your prescription for the baby making drug.(Or if you’re me, you start on a Saturday night and have to wait until Monday, aka Day 3, to call.)

Day 3 – 7: take 1 baby making pill.

Day 9 – 13: We do it like they do on the discovery channel. (Or just regular style. 10 points if you know which song lyric that is. 15 if you know the name of the song and the artist. 20 points if you just started singing it. 30 if you started singing it AND doing the dance. -5 if you had to google it first.)

Day 21: I go in for, guess what? More blood work. I think this blood is to check to make sure everything is going to plan. I’m not really sure, so I’ll go and find out and then let you know. Sound good?

I’ll be honest. I had a moment of sheer, blinding panic about this whole thing last night. I mean, really. A baby? Am I fucking nuts? No more sleeping in on the weekends, or ever sleeping again. Dirty diapers. Saggy tits. Potty training. I was ready to back pedal and be all like, “Baby? What baby? We’re not making a baby. Whatchu talkin’ ’bout, Willis?”

And then I thought about B and how much I love him. And how I want to have this experience with him and create with him in a way that none of my other crafts will ever be able to accomplish. I want to give BAD Boy the sibling he wants. I want to be a little selfish and have a legacy. Is it selfish to have a baby? In some ways, I think so. And in other ways, it’s a very selfless act, too. But I do know that deep down, no matter how scared or overwhelmed I get about and through this whole process, I really do want this. (And I really am more than just a vessel for my cycle. I think.)