My parents are not the traditional sort of parents when it comes to holidays. (Morals are a completely different story.) They’re not big on fixing a big dinner at Thanksgiving and having family over. They don’t put up a Christmas tree or decorate in any way or anything like that. Getting together is a last minute kind of decision. More like, “Hey, are you free Christmas Eve? Wanna come over? I don’t know what time. What time’s good for you?”

When you’re coordinating with more than four people (in more than one family) as we are this year (And I don’t even know how many families. Maybe 6, but I’m not sure), it can get a little hectic so I forced a time from my dad. He’s all, “Six or 6:30 will work, how does that sound?” And I’m all, “Six is great. We’ll be there at 6.”

The first time my dad called me about this, I was recovering from trying to puke my insides out to see if my intestines are really the colors they show them in anatomy textbooks, and I was a little out of it. He may have mentioned “caroling” and maybe “Chinese students” or something of that nature. I was agreeable. I mean, I thought I was dying and it wouldn’t matter one way or the other because, you know, I’d be dead.

Well, it turns out that my mom’s ESL students were invited to the FAMILY Christmas Eve dinner. WTF, right? I put the kabosh on that, or so I thought. Turns out, my evil darling little sister got them invited again. And there’s a 95% chance that they will sing Christmas carols with my mother. She’ll probably be playing piano and directing them like they’re a choir, because that’s what she does.

You know what’s going to happen, don’t you? They’re going to sing Deck the Halls, because how can you have Chinese people over to your house at Christmas time to eat ham and drink wine and sing Christmas Carols and you don’t sing Deck the Halls? It’s mathematically impossible. I’m pretty sure Einstein wrote a scientific law about it. Google it. You’ll see.

So you’re probably wondering, “What’s the big deal?” Well, the big deal is that I’m pretty sure I’m not going to be able to keep a straight face. That’s what the big deal is. Ever see A Christmas Story? It’s going to happen. In person. At my parent’s house. Let me give you a preview.

Anyone have any idea how I’m supposed to not laugh while they sing?