Little Miss Drama Pants

I was having an e-mail conversation with Tonni and we got on the subject of unfinished projects and she was lamenting over how many sweaters she would have to wear if she would just finish them.

Tonni, by the way, knits some of the most gorgeous stuff out of her handspun. And not only that, but she knits fast. And she finishes a hell of a lot more projects than I do. But I’m not bitter. Or jealous. Really. I’m not.

Anyway. Moving along.

I had this revelation about why we knitters have such a hard time sticking to just one project at a time or are sometimes *cough* unable to complete a project.

And as for sticking to projects…. if it’s not for me, I can finish it in a fairly timely manner. But projects for me? It takes me about 2 years to finish a sweater because I’ll get bored with it (usually when I get to the sleeves) and then I’ll start something else. I think it’s Thrill of the Chase Syndrome, you know? You look for the perfect yarn to go with the perfect pattern and then you start it. It’s charming for awhile, but then you feel like you’ve conquered the challenge so it’s time for something new. Next thing you know, you’re hot and heavy with another project.

Sometimes I feel like I can let go of all my inhibitions in life when it comes to knitting. Because, really, who’s going to know? Unless you blog about it, of course.

Which brings me to the dark side of knitting. Being a floozy. Knitting behind another project’s back. Screwing up projects, knowing they’re screwed up and continuing to knit on them anyway. Ignoring gauge. Things of that nature. But what is the fun of being a floozy without someone to share all your sordid tales, right? I’m talking strictly knitting here.

Plus, there are some fantastic cautionary knitting tales around the blogosphere that have kept me from doing something stupid. Sometimes. These tales are more like public service announcements than embarrassing stories and really, incredibly thoughtful of the knitblogger.

And really, isn’t that what most knitters are? Conscientious and helpful. And most of the time they’re willing to cuss right along with you after you make a stupid mistake. Once they’ve stopped laughing at your stupid ass.

And that is why I love my knitting friends.

Today I bought some trail mix that is possibly some of the best trail mix EVER. We’re talking almonds, cashews, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds and raisins. I snacked on it all day instead of eating lunch. It was phenomenal. Except for this one little side effect. I, uh, developed some gas. At first I thought it was possibly one of the seeds or nuts. I turned to the almighty google to enlighten me with its wondrous and magnificent powers of knowledge. And lo, the google said unto me: Dude. Raisins can make you gassy.

Armed with the knowledge that raisins can make you gassy, I continued to eat the trail mix while eating fewer raisins. I couldn’t forsake the raisins! They created the perfect balance of sweet and salty! Also? I was extremely grateful for my private office.

Later in the day, I got a text message from my SMIL that my SIL had a concert in the evening and would the BAD Boy and I like to go. I, of course, responded that we’d love to come. (B had class and couldn’t go.) Fast forward to the evening. My drive home was…smelly. We’re talking make-your-eyes-sting smelly. Rotten-eggs-would-be-a-joy-compared-to-this smelly. It’s not good.

This concert? It’s at a chapel. I am praying for padded seats and that maybe this is a band concert. And also that everyone in the place has a horrible cold and has lost their sense of smell. (I forgot to ask and she both sings in a choir and I’m fairly certain plays an instrument in the school band.)

What I got? WOODEN CHURCH PEWS. Somehow, I miraculously made it through the evening without clearing out the chapel, or adding an accompaniment to the pianist.

However, this long and seemingly pointless story made me think of another time in my life when I was not so fortunate.

I was in third grade and we had an assembly. This particular assembly was in a small building in our school that at one time was the gym and where the floor was tile. Possibly marble, but I don’t remember for sure. Anyway, the assembly was about our 3rd grade desert trip where we got to go out and spend one night out in the desert sleeping on a cot under the stars with the entire third grade class. It was THE THING for 3rd graders that you did not want to miss.

They were showing a video or slide show about previous trips and the lights were off. I suddenly had an extremely strong urge to expel unwanted gases from my body. I fought them long and hard, but in the end, the need won. As my great grandpa used to say (according to my dad), “Let air go free where e’er you be.”

I gauged my surroundings. The lights were out. Everyone was watching the slide show/video (I really can’t remember which and it’s starting to drive me a little nuts. Little more nuts. Whatever.) I was gold. No one would know it was me. I tilted to the side ever so slightly and attempted to eek out a delicate, undetectable fluff. Instead, I farted so loud and so hard, it echoed throughout the entire building and everyone within a 5 foot radius felt the ground vibrate. I had COMPLETELY forgotten about the marble floor. I desperately hoped that maybe no one had noticed. Or, if they had noticed, they would think it was someone else.

Not so much. By the time we left the assembly? EVERY SINGLE 3RD GRADER KNEW IT WAS ME. To say I was mortified would be the understatement of the century.

But tonight? Tonight wasn’t that bad.

The project I was so furiously knitting on the way to Florida is a present for the BAD Boy’s teacher. She’s having a baby very soon and BAD Boy wanted to give her a Christmas present and wanted it to be for the baby. I offered to knit something for her and his eyes got as big as saucers at the suggestion. I took that as a yes and commenced to find a pattern to knit for his teacher’s baby.

I scoured Ravelry and found Helena from Knitty to be perfect for what I had in mind. I actually started on it last Friday. This is what I’ve gotten done so far:

I absolutely ADORE top down raglan anything. I think the next sweater I knit for myself will be top down raglan. And I am totally enchanted with this pattern. It is easy to follow and the lace is easy to memorize. I lurves it. Also, remember how I said no more cotton for me? Well I lied. The yarn is Debbie Bliss All Seasons Cotton. Which is really a cotton/acrylic blend, but it doesn’t feel like cotton and doesn’t act like cotton so I am going to pretend that it is not cotton and continue on with my current infatuation with yarn and pattern.

The last day of school is December 19 before the break. I have until then to finish this baby up. I am so there. I also think I’d rather do buttons instead of ties. Good thing my LYS has a great selection of buttons!

We just got home a little while ago from my Aunt Mack’s wake. It was a rough trip in that it’s about a 5 - 6 hour drive and we did it twice in as many days. That is rough on a person. And I wasn’t even driving. B did all the driving, Dad sat in the back and navigated (back seat driver!) and I sat up front and knit furiously. Oh, and it rained the ENTIRE WAY down. Hello sinus headache!

But it’s not all whining and complaining. I got to spend some quality - if short - time with my Uncle Frank and his family. I got to see my newly married cousin and meet her husband. I got to see my other cousin and finally meet her son and see her daughter again. It was really nice to catch up with everyone.

I learned some really cool stuff about my grandparents, too. Like, my grandfather used to have a radio program in Birmingham back before the Depression. The first one. And he had a band. And was apparently a really good singer. And hear my dad and uncle trade stories of all the things they did as kids, when they were in the military and after.

Today we went to the church and then had lunch afterward. We spent a little more time with family and then we had to head back home. It almost seemed like we were running away from the harsh reality of her being gone. But despite the fact that she’s gone, life does go on, even when it seems wrong. When it seems like everything should stop, even if it’s just temporarily to acknowledge that she’s gone. I know rationally that that’s unreasonable, but emotions are rarely reasonable. But I also know that Aunt Mack wouldn’t want us to make a fuss and stop our lives, either.

So that is what I’m going to do. I am going to take one day at a time and live my life. And remember her. Tomorrow I’ll show you what I was knitting so furiously.

Spend time with your loved ones and eat lots of pie. You can do that if you are an American and are celebrating Thanksgiving or if you’re not. You can eat pie anywhere, any time. Mmmmmmm, piiiie.

And spend time with your loved ones.

I like pie

Image borrowed from www.cheesecakeanddessert.com.